Being a Newlywed

I've been thinking and reflecting a lot about being a newlywed. All the bliss and excitement (and stress) of planning a wedding are long gone... even though all of the centerpieces from my reception are still sitting in a closet. But, the long days of talking about budgets and venues and colors are over (praise God!). And, what's funny, our entire marriage prep process we really tried hard to focus on preparing for our marriage vs. just preparing for a wedding.

But, no matter how many times you talk about family mission statements together, expectations, or our families' traditions - you can't really predict how your marriage will look. I mean, I imagined just prayer, bliss, pleasure, and fun. Now, those things are there (for sure), but I didn't think that in the midst of that we'd get bored or (shocker) annoyed with each other. I also didn't realize how much I would learn about myself.

I feel like when you're engaged, a lot of people will come up to you to tell you about all the hard things about their first year of marriage. Now, I'm thankful for that, but it can be easy to think that it won't affect you and your husband-to-be since you're both in love and you're best friends. It's like everyone wants to warn you about how hard it is.

"The first year sucks." "It's a big transition." "Sometimes it's really hard." Etc.

I've talked to a lot of friends who echo similar things. Well, actually, I feel like I get one of two responses about the first year of marriage: it's either not hard at all or "it's a big transition" (code for, it can get tough at times). Their marriages are beautiful and fruitful, but they all talk about how the transition from being a single girl to a married woman can be a lot to deal with.

After talking to a long time close friend, she non-chalantly said this phrase that I think really nailed it. She said, "marriage isn't 'hard'; it's trying."

That phrase stuck with me. It's "trying." As we kept talking, all the little moments that seemed incredibly difficult for me during the past couple of months of learning to live with a man, sharing my bed, and learning to be a wife - I realized that those moments that were "hard" were actually very trying moments. Instead of trying to be selfless, I was selfish. Instead of having an attitude of service, I had the attitude of being lazy. Instead of choosing my battles or tempering my emotions, I was just plain hormonal.

You see, a good marriage isn't something that just happens, it's worked at. I know that being a bride is fun and beautiful, but being my husband's bride and wife requires sacrifice. In order for me to live out my vocation as a married woman, my vocation isn't just that I'm married, my vocation is Daniel. I know, in my head, that marriage isn't just for this world - it's preparing me for heaven. But, in my heart, I can easily forget that our marriage is supposed to point upwards.

When I choose selfishness or laziness over service or sacrifice - I am not fully living out my vocation.

So the next time I feel like marriage is "hard," I need to remember that it's actually "trying." Am I trying to love my husband as Christ loves? Am I trying to put my husband first? Am I trying to be the best wife I can be? Am I trying to grow in virtue and discipline? Am I really trying?

If the answer is no, I am missing out.

Marriage isn't hard; it's trying. And I pray I never stop trying.

It's just me

One thing that I have always found really interesting is how easy it is to write about nothing. Whenever I think of a specific topic to write about -- like mercy, shopping, youth ministry, or love -- I get finger-tied (rather than tongue-tied). Maybe it's because I enjoy the broader approach to writing, or maybe it's because I don't write enough to feel confident in my skills. Or maybe it's because I'm not a mother with a ton of adorable pictures I can upload of my kids. Whatever the reason is, I know that the only way to become a good writer is to write, write, and write. Even if the way I write is not right, but rather grammatically wrong incorrect; I will just continue to write.

I have tried to keep up with a blog a couple of times but I always get this doubt that everything I will write will end up being some regurgitated wise thing that someone else already said. There's a lie that is easy to believe that everything that I have to say has already been said in a better, wittier way.

But I can't think like that.

God created me with a purpose and I have a story that He wants to share through me. I just have to write like I would write to God-- when it's just me and Him.

So, whether no one reads this or a thousand people do.. I'm writing like it's just me: Nat Marie.